Tear the roof off the mothersucker, tear the roof off the sucker.


July 16, 2009 by sandwichcontrol

I woke up in a funk today. Hence the Parliament reference. Get it? Funk? Oh, never mind. Today is the kind of day where you wake up at 5:00am alert and ready to go and you say “Screw this! I’m sleeping until the alarm goes off.” And so you do. And then the alarm goes off, and the dogs starting whining, and the parakeets start screaming at the hillbillies guffawing out of the alarm clock and at the dogs whining on the floor. Meanwhile, you, who had felt refreshed and rested and alert only an hour before, now feel like the soggy leftovers of yesterday’s deep-fried Hell. Oh, and don’t forget that in that extra hour of sleep you had horrible nightmares about being abandoned. Do I feel the love today? Not yet. It is only 7:00am. Not many of the people who show me love are up yet. The only one I have seen so far is Juan Valdez (the mentioning of his name has caused me to internet research the person that is Juan Valdez). The wikipedia page about Juan Valdez alludes to the fact that the names Juan and Valdez are both very common Hispanic names and that they do not know how many men bear the name. I know someone who will. Oh, Wolfram Alpha let me down. It doesn’t know what to do with Juan Valdez. You and me both, brother. The only thing I could find out is that there roughly 287,693 men named Juan in the U.S. and most of them are five years old. There are also 98,610 people in the U.S. with the surname of Valdez. Considering the name Juan Valdez is a common Hispanic name, and granted the U.S. has a large Hispanic population, I think some country that has Spanish as its official language would probably be more qualified to give us an actual head count. What I am getting around to saying is that the results are inconclusive. I think it is safe to say that there are actual people out there who are named Juan Valdez, they are probably five years old, and they probably do not walk next to a mule name Conchita all day long. As for my and mule, we’ll get up in the morning and plow. More soon. ~SC


  1. TeacherSis says:

    i’m up. You just can’t see me.

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