Yesterday I spent about an hour and a half on the phone with Apple Technical Support trying to figure out why they did not fix La Duchess’ computer when we sent it to them. Turns out that they did fix it, but we’ll get to that in a minute. I think I owe an explanation to all of the Mac neigh-sayers out there who I can already hear clearing their throats, getting ready to shout “I thought Macs didn’t have problems!”.

Don’t be an idiot. It is a piece of electronic equipment, of course it has problems. Statistically, I should know I’m in the class, Macs have given their users less trouble than regular ol’ PC users. Does Apple exploit this fact in catchy and hip advertisements? Yes they do. Did their marketing ploy work? From the number of non graphic design students walking around campus with MacBooks in their backpacks, sporting an iPod or an iPhone, I would have to say yes to that as well.

Ranting aside, La Duchess is a special case all together. It is this scientist’s hypothesis that she emits some sort of electromagnetic field that has devastating effects on electronics. You don’t want to know how many wristwatches she has gone through since I have known her.

Having worked for the Royal family for over eight years I have dealt with all sorts of electronic malfunction. Usually, there is nothing wrong with the piece of equipment. All I normally do is take whatever it is that is problematic away from La Duchess and then it usually returns to functioning normally.

From time to time she manages to destroy things past the point where I can save them. At times like these, it is very important to have purchased the extended warranty.

This most recent occurence of malfunction was on her lappy. Since her return from France she has had problems connecting to the internet via the Airport, the Apple brand of wireless routers, and her keyboard was hit or miss with functioning as well. So, I had Apple send a box and we shipped it to them and they made the repairs and sent it back. All for free thanks to the Apple Care plan that I insisted that she purchase when she was buying the thing.

So we get it back and the “F” row still doesn’t work and we still cannot connect to the internet via Airport. So, yesterday, I call them back. Turns out that the “F” row is locked. It is a default setting when they replace keyboards. I felt like an idiot for not knowing that you could lock the “F” row to prevent, say children or dogs, who are prone to random key punching, from changing your settings simply by locking the row. I’m dumb.

Don’t worry, I was reassured that I am not dumb and that I actually do know my way around a Mac when I had to try and solve the Airport issue.

One more note to help you understand the situation a little better. The Royal family lives by the motto “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”. So, with that in mind, please understand that we are still using tools and lawn equipment that were Le Duke’s father’s, i.e. they are really old. So, you should not be surprised to learn that the Airport base station is a second generation Airport. This means that it is roughly seven years old.

Greg, the Airport specialist that I ended up talking to, was actually stunned by the longevity of our Airport, given that most routers have an expected lifespan of about two years. We have been using ours for over seven and it still works, the technology just left it behind and won’t support it anymore.

Anyways, after trying for over an hour to gain access to the Airport and ultimately the internet, Greg, the Airport specialist, came to the conclusion that there were two possibilities of what was wrong. 1)The Airport is busted. or 2) La Duchess’ computer is busted. I’m paraphrasing here. The only way to tell which one was the problem was to test the computer, and subsequently the brand new Airport card that replaced by Apple that is in the computer, by trying to connect to someone else’s wireless network. If I can connect, then it is the Airport that is busted and should be replaced. If I cannot connect, then it is the computer is busted and will have to be sent in for repairs again.

This provided me with an excuse to pack up and head for the border. Taco Bell, unfortunately was really busy. So, Hardee’s here I come. Unfortunately, the Western Bacon Thickburger was only a limted time offer.

The good new is that the Frisco Thickburger is quite excellent and that La Duchess’ computer connected to their “WiFi” quickly and easily. This new bit of information allowed me to convince Le Duke that we needed a little updating in the technology department and also allowed me to shop at Best Buy on the clock. I picked us up a shwanky new Airport Express base station, which is the size of a charger for a laptop in comparison to the eight inch flying saucer that was the previous base station. I also used a gift card that has been burning a hole in my pocket and purchased a copy of the Clash: Singles. It’s pretty excellent.

So, the moral of the story is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Well, I need to go get ready for my probability/statistics test. More soon. ~SC