December 7, 2009 by sandwichcontrol
I want to start off today by wishing The Heat a very Happy Birthday. You should, too.
You know what movie sucks? Ghost Rider.
It was as if someone came up with a story line and ran out of time and didn’t write dialogue, so they just threw Sam Elliot in there to cover for him. They picked Nick Cage because he is the only one who could pull off explaining that he is the Devil’s “Bounty Hunter” to Eva Mendes while keeping a straight face. The only reason he could keep a straight face is because he thought the dialogue was for a serious moment. And Peter Fonda and Wes Bentley. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can’t really complain too much, I guess. I mean I do love BioDome and Roadhouse.
Perhaps, if I had seen Ghost Rider when I was fifteen, it would have secured a place in my heart as movie that is so bad that it is good. Unfortunately, I watched as a late twenty-something and it was so bad that it passed good and went right back to bad.
There were three things in the movie that were beacons of hope along the rocky shoals of terrible movie.
1) Sam Elliot. He can do no wrong.
2) The CG Ghost Rider was pretty sweet.
3) The interview with the chubby Goth chick at the train yards.
The third one harkened me back to the scene in Purple Rain when “The Kid” does that full body turn while he was angrily looking for his dad. I had to rewatch it like thirty times. Yell, turn, rewind, repeat.
Do these things save this movie from sucking ass? No.
Why am I reviewing a movie that came out two years ago? For fun.
Pancake Land gave me the authority to stop her from watching anything that terrible again.
“But, babe, you watch Lifetime movies.”
“No Lifetime movie is that terrible.”
“I don’t know about that. Remember the one with Tori Spelling?”
So, I have been given the power of censor. Which means nothing. It is just a title with no actual authority. It is like being King or Emperor when the parliament runs everything. Still, it’s good to the King.
So, I managed to sew almost all of the Secret Doctor’s Books last night. I have about 7 more to go. Thanks to everyone who wished me the stuff that I needed to get it done. Especially the Big Hot Ham and Cheese with Curly Fries.
Well, I need to go take Stooby to the vet to see what the hell is wrong with her leg. Have a wonderful Monday. More soon. ~SC
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