It's Hard For Me To Hear It Without The Captioning On.


February 16, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

So, yesterday I spent $100 on doghouses and bedding. I did this for two reasons. 1) I don’t want the dogs to sleep in garage at night anymore because they are using it as their own personal outhouse and since this is the site of my future office, the less it smells like urine the better. 2) I felt bad making the dogs sleep outside when it is so cold outside and they have no shelter to protect them from the wind and rain. So, I drop a c-note on shelters and dust free wood shavings, I come home, build the things, fill them with bedding, and place their old beds in the houses hoping that they might put two and two together and realize that these boxes are for sleeping in since their lives have now taken a turn for the permanently outdoors. What do they do? They pull their beds out of the houses and sleep on them right next to the houses. Brilliant. Now what am I supposed to do? I am still trying to figure this one out. Perhaps, I should remove the wood shavings and just put the beds in there. Maybe they’ll figure it out.

I doubt it. Anyway, I can’t feel bad about them not utilizing my gesture of legally obligating dog-owner protective kindness. I can feel bad however that they have eaten nearly an entire 40lb. bag of dog food in two days. My dogs are looking thin. So, us being at the new house and all, I just fill up a bucket with food and put it out for them like I used to do. As long as the bucket has food in it, they can eat whenever they want. Put a little weight on them. Then I noticed that the stupid starlings are putting a serious dent in the food supply in the bucket thereby causing Stoobs to gorge herself and subsequently guard the bucket preventing Nami from eating. Nami, in turn, now gorges herself at every opportunity. Awesome.

I have been trying to convince Pancake Land that we should have them euthanized and then taxidermied. There would be no vet bills, no food buckets, no fleas, just a one time cost and a bottle of Febreeze. Plus, we could have them posed however we wanted. Playful, loyal, ready for their walk. Anything we want. I think that I would pose Nami like she was a wild animal. You know, the way that you would have a bear or lion mounted. Up on two legs, right in mid-pounce, mouth open in a roar. Fierce. Vicious. Mean lookin’. Perhaps I would have them mounted up on two legs dressed up like Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Hey, I like that. The two detectives, force for all time to ponder the mystery of the two boxes filled with wood shavings in the backyard.

Anywho, I’m running late for work. I’m outta here. More soon. ~SC


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