March 1, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

We have decided that Faux-bia is the effect created when a man lies on his stomach with his gennies tucked under him, only leaving enough of his scrotum skin to create what appears to be a vulva, thereby making you believe that the prostitute, the one on the trading card, the one you just hired, is a woman. Some people may fall for it, but not me. I’m a professional.

I had to get that out of my head. I’ve been meaning to say that for a few days now.

Anyways, um, Happy March! Only a few more weeks until Spring. Then I can’t start planting seeds that will, hopefully, grow into plants that will, hopefully, be covered in food. We have these cute little flower beds all around the house. If the neighbors think that I’m planting tulips, they’re crazy. Those spots are for tomatoes, and okra, and peppers, and maybe an eggplant. I think I can plant onions and maybe shallots as well. Shallots are probably a sound investment since they are bloody expensive. I am still waiting to hear back from a local nursery concerning the Crocus Sativus bulbs that I am hunting. I should call them today. Growing my own saffron is another sound investment.

I am excited. I cannot wait for the warmer weather. There is so much that needs to be done in the yard. Moving in the Winter was probably pretty smart. That way we can focus on getting the interior fixed up and as soon as it warms up I get booted to the great outdoors to do yard work. As strange as it sounds, I miss mowing grass. There is something very Zen about walking behind a lawn mower. Very calming. Anyways, I’m excited.

This month is full of exciting things. The Vernal Equinox, the one year Anniversary of this here website, and my golden Birthday. Look out, April, you’ve got some big shoes to fill. Yeah, I know, you’ll fill them with rain.

The good news is that we knocked that big wholesale order out this weekend and I will drop it off at the shipping company later today. Now we can get back to unpacking boxes and hanging paintings. Next stop, my garage office.

Anywho, I’m getting around slowly today, so I need to go get ready for work. More soon. ~SC


  1. If you want some onions, we have PLENTY. Went to the Farmer’s Co-op for some produce boxes that had been thrown away and found that they were full of onion bulblets. We have white, yellow, and red. Come take your pick.

    Plus, I need to talk to you about MEG’s blow-out party we’re having on May 22nd. Going to have artisans showing their wares. We’ve got music, food, fun, items for sale. Would you like to come be a part of it? Your almost sister-in-law (Belinda DeHart) is playing. Let me know…….

  2. nicky the cook says:

    saffron huh? why not say you can cultivate truffles as well.

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