In The Lair Of The Creepies.


March 2, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

So, Pancake Land thinks that our new house is getting creepier and creepier. We were talking about it and I let slip the fact that we have a painting of the first Russian serial killer hanging in the front room. Oops. She made me take it down. The reason she wanted it taken down wasn’t because he was a serial killer, she could handle that, it was the child molestation accusations against him. And, after she looked him up, the fact that he murder one of his victim’s mother right in front of her and, as she ran away, he chased her down and beat her to death with a hammer. That sort of cinched the “take it down from the front room wall” deal for her. Sorry Andre, you’ll have to go live in my new office. Well, whenever it gets built.

That painting is special to me for many reasons and none of those reasons are because of the subject matter’s crimes against women and children. I think those things are terrible, but nonetheless I like this painting. For one thing, it was a gift from Babbylon Tim, who painted it. Second, the subject matter is, of course, Soviet and you know how much I love all things Soviet. Finally, the part that really makes me love the painting is part of the story of Andre. The Russians believed that they were incapable of producing a serial killer because serial killers are a Western disease and they were far too superior a race to fall prey to a Western disease like that. The police actually caught him at one point and then let him go and he went out and killed a bunch more people. Awesome. Sometimes, people thinking as collective is such a terrible idea.

Anywho, last night Pancake Land finished painting her new fake deer head that she got in the mail last week. She wanted to paint the eyes white like the rest of it, but I suggested that perhaps it was a bad idea. I informed her of my unnatural fear of sculptures of people in white marble where there is no eye definition, just blank eye ball. It gives me the itches. Here check it out:

Super creepy eyes.

See what I mean? Anyway, I say to her that leaving the eyes painted black with the cute little fake reflected light spots will make it less creepy. Wrong. It just makes the newly named Lord Chester Buttingworth the Third look really pissed off. Up close you can see the reflections in his eyes and he looks calm and peaceful, but once you step back about four feet the glimmer in his eyes vanishes and all that is left is cold blackness. He looks like he is filled with disdain. For you.  You are the one that let him get painted white. It is scary ass.

Well, enough about how creepy my house is. I have to go to work. Have a wonderful day. More soon. ~SC


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.



Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 36 other subscribers