The Great Offender.


March 13, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

It would like to dedicate this song to E.P.

So yesterday I received an email in response to my most recent article on the City Wire. Apparently, a reader of this online publication was offended by my non-profanity. I’m not saying that they were offended that I censored myself, but that they were just as offended as if I had used profanity. Here, I’ll let you read the email.

“I can’t refrain from commenting
Holy Friggin’ Shoot   is as offensive as the other words you could have used
hard-ass spam filter  – is that really necessary

You have taken a somewhat good paper
and have probably alienated me as a future reader

This came too soon after the headline that read about
there’s a hell of a lot of shale at Fort Chaffee

Good luck”

Oh, where to begin. I guess I’ll start with my reaction and then segue into gently ripping them apart.

At first I was confused. I thought it was a joke. I still kind of hope that it is. My second gut reaction was “That’s awesome. I offend people.” Apparently some people can’t handle any language that is stronger than descriptions of kittens. Also, what’s up with the grammar? It’s like the ghost of e e cummings wrote me an email. To this reader’s credit they at least had the balls to send me an email with their name on it rather than posting this anonymously as a comment on the article itself. (They probably tried to post it anonymously and it wouldn’t let them because they were not signed in as a user.) Since they did send me an email with their name on it, I took great joy in Google searching them and making a mental note to never deal with them or their business. Not that I am saying that I am boycotting them because their Kung Fu is weak and ineffectual like a young girl, but because I don’t want the headache of dealing with this person or the company they affiliate with. Ever.

The weirdest part of the whole thing, granted I did say “Holy friggin’ shoot”, is that the phrase “hard-ass spam filter” was added by the people who built my column, not me. And I had nothing to do with the article about the “hell of a lot of shale” in Fort Chaffee. This reader has pretty much blamed me for the downfall of this web publication. They think that I am the AntiChrist in the world of the City Wire. That’s awesome.

It is so insane that it makes my head hurt.

Anyways, I have no idea what I am doing today. Probably running around with the fam. Possibly something about Der Staples and Le Target with Teacher Sis and then lunch with Word to Me. I also need to “season” the cabinet doors in the kitchen with chalk dust.

Tomorrow I am planning on practicing my beans and cornbread recipe in preparation for the Beans-and-Cornbread off next weekend. Nicky the Cook is going down. I have brought in the Ghost of Christmas past of beans and cornbread for this challenge. Let’s just hope I don’t fuck it up.

Anyways, I’m gross and need to shower.  One last note to my offended reader, like my friend Snoop says “For those that don’t like it, eat a dick.” More soon. ~SC


  1. I rather like your play on words. Ignore those who complain. We love you Sandwich Control…………………..

  2. Dave says:

    Call out that asshole. Defend yourself and harvest their water.

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