Mi Est Uber Soldat. Parlez Vous Grenada?

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May 28, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

A while back Taco Planet and I were learning a bunch of different languages. At some point they all started to blur together. The title is one of the examples of our language melding. It is equal parts Spanish, German, French, and Russian. Loosely translated, it means:

“I am a super soldier. Do you speak grenade?”

It sounded a lot funnier at the time. I guess there were the situations that we created to go along with the phrase. We had been listening to those language CDs for a few weeks at that point and we all know how they are constantly asking you to imagine that you are in certain situations so that you can use certain phrases. Like:

“Imagine, if you will, that you are riding the bus in Kiev. The woman next to leans over and asks…”

Stuff like that. Well, one of the scenarios that I came up with, in order to find a situation to use the title phrase, was:

“Imagine, if you will, that you are in a French restaurant. The waiter is French, the Sommelier is German, the prostitute that you rescued from the trunk of a car is Spanish, and the woman at the table next to you is Russian. Armed bandits have taken over the restaurant. You need to communicate with all four of your new friends in order to take out the leader of the bandits (Tommy Lee Jones). Try to tell your new friends that you are a super soldier and inquire if any of them happens to speak grenade.”

In reality, the CDs would be teaching you to insist that whoever you are talking to should have a drink with you. That is what the CDs taught me. That actually should be their slogan.

“We teach you to pick up perfect strangers, in foriegn lands, and how to refuse to take ‘No’ for an answer.”

Wow. I didn’t mean to talk about that for so long. Okay, on to other things. My new article just went up on the City Wire. Hot off the presses and you can read it here.

Yesterday, when I was working on cutting up the pile of scrap lumber in Lippincottonia, I somehow managed to cut the side of my hand. It didn’t hurt at all when I did it, and it doesn’t hurt today. What it did do, was bleed a lot. So much so, that it was running down my arm and dripping everywhere. Keep in mind that this is a scratch that is no more than 1.27cm long. So I stopped what I was doing to hunt up a Band-Aid. The only ones I found were the little tiny ones. So, Band-Aid is out. Luckily I found some small gauze pads and tape. So I tape a piece of gauze to the side of my hand. Tiny cut, giant bandage. After I finished bandaging myself up, I realize that I need to protect the tape from the sawdust and sweat that go along with sawing boards into itsy bitsy pieces. So, I put on a latex glove only to realize that that thin latex is no match for the rough, splintery wood that I am working with. So, I put on a leather glove. Unfortunately the only leather glove I can find has big holes in the finger tips. So, I duct tape the holes up. All of that, for a scratch. After doing all of that work to protect a little scratch, I felt ridiculous. The weirdest part was that I wasn’t even concerned with the cut getting dirt or whatever in it. I just wanted it to stop bleeding so that I could finish cutting up the wood pile. And by not having a Band-Aid, this weird domino-effect was created. I don’t know if I am doing the situation justice or not. Believe me, I felt totally helpless. Like I was just a robot doing what was dictated by the rules of logic. It was very strange. Maybe it was just the blood loss making me feel strange.

Anyway, moving on. Last night, Pancake Land requested that I make chili for dinner. It was then that I had the realization that I had never made chili for her. We came to a compromise over ingredients and I set out to make it. I like to play around when I make chili. I try new things a lot. Last night, I substituted water for beef stock. I am going to recommend this from now on. Especially if you are not going to let your chili cook all day. It makes it rich and flavorful.

After the chili was ready, we sat down with our piping hot bowls of meaty goodness and finished the third season of Angel. Man, can they write some depressing, cliff hanging shit or what?! Speaking of Joss Whedon, sort of, I hear that he is slated (tentatively) to direct the forthcoming Avengers movie. Awesome. In my research concerning this, I discovered that Hugo Weaving is playing Red Skull in the Captain America movie. (insert the sound of me squealing like a little girl whilst peeing my pants) I wonder if they are going to make him a Nazi or just a very very bad man.

Well, all of this typing makes me need to poop. So rather than cross into the realm of “I typed this to you while I was pooping”, I am going to go now. More soon. ~SC


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