The Juice Is Loose.


May 5, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

Okay, so I know that the title was a slogan used by Starburst fruit candies right up until O.J. “the Juice” Simpson killed his ex-wife. Once being found not guilty by a jury of his peers, the Juice was actually loose and Starbursts changed their slogan. I don’t care about Starbursts or O.J. Simpson. What I care about is Juicy Fruit gum. I chew a lot of gum. It mainly helps me not eat all day and it keeps me from chain smoking. Ah, oral fixations. Gotta love em. Anyway, Pancake Land chews a lot of gum too, so I buy the little plastic bottles of gum. You know, the one that has like 60 pieces of gum in it. The ones in the commercial with the guy in the car and the other guy with the garlic potato chips. Whatever. I buy gum in a little plastic bottle. We normally chew Orbitz Bubblemint flavor, but recently I found Juicy Fruit in a little bottle, so I bought some.

Juicy Fruit is a gum that I chewed a lot of when I was a kid. Having cemented the flavor of the gum firmly into the nostalgic vault of my mind, I was excited to try again after so many years. The reason it has been so long is because Juicy Fruit is not sugar free. I learned very quickly that if you are going to put something in your mouth and chew on it all day, it better not have any nutritional value whatsoever or else your teeth will rot out. Twelve cavities later I switched to sugar free gum. So the new tub-o-Juicy Fruit is sugar free. This should have been my first clue that it was not the Juicy Fruit of my youth. The flavor when you first bite into it is rises up and almost reaches that flavor of childhood memory, but stops ever so slightly short and then it tastes like a Good-n-Plenty. Where there was once juicy fruity flavor in my youth, there is now only black licorice. How bittersweet getting older is.

Moral of the story: don’t chew the new Juicy Fruit expecting the flavor of Juicy Fruit.

So, yesterday I finished up Wicked as I finished up painting the last of the pedestals. I thought that after the Anthony Bourdain, that is cued up next, I was out of audiobooks. I had planned a trip to the library, but that was until I discovered that I had a copy of the Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, read by the author. Awesome. Library trip is postponed. Well for a little while anyway.

So, this weekend is crazy busy. Little Peddler and G-Man are going camping, which would normally mean I was going camping, but for the stuff I have to do. This also means that I won’t see my darling Pancake Land much this weekend either. Oh, I miss her already even if she is in the next room sleeping.

Apparently, I have been freaking her out lately when she comes to bed. She says that I have been making all these weird noises and convulsing and laughing these creepy little laughs. She says that she thinks I might be turning into a zombie at night. Sort of like a werewolf. I wake up smeared with gore and have no memory of the previous night’s events. Instead of gory rampages and the feasting on the meat flesh of people at the carwash, I just try and cop a feel of a boob or two, apparently. Night of the Sleeping Boob Toucher does really strike fear into peoples hearts and minds, though.

Well, I need to go put my shoes on and beat Nami about the neck and shoulders for barking all night and all morning. For today, I seem to recall hearing that I am water-sealing a deck. Who knows? More soon. ~SC


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