Hot, Adolescent Pussies.


July 24, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

I am talking about my kittens, of course. What did you think I was talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter. What are you a 13 year old boy? Answer: Yes.

Well, it is officially 4:47am and I am up and at ’em. I am surprisingly cheerful this morning. Maybe that’s just the delirium talking. You know how it is really nice to just get up and leisurely have coffee and eggs, make a poop in the toilet, and type a post on your website before your boss shows up at 8am to work on building an office in your garage with you? But, you say to yourself, “How do I do all of that at a leisurely pace and still get it all done? There’s got to be a better way. Help us Sandwich Control!”

Boy have I got good news for you. My secret is getting up in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping, and you really should be, too. That’s how I make it look so easy.

Pancake Land came to bed around 3 am, which is normal for her, and I, of course, woke up. Then between the fact that it is 29.444°C in the bedroom, and the constant meowing and/or growling and/or hissing of kittens, and the flies, and the bed hog next to me, I could not go back to sleep. So, I thought to myself, I have two options. I can:

a) Get up and have coffee and eggs, make a poop in the toilet, make a post on my website all done at a lesiurely and relaxing pace.


b) I can lie in bed, sweating, growing increasingly more irritated until the weekend version of the, what did I call it yesterday, the Bill and Ted Show comes on the clock radio that serves as my alarm clock, ultimately landing me in the perfect frame of mind for working in my incredibly hot garage at 8am on a Saturday.

Tough decision.

So, I got up. I made the last of the Cafe Du Monde, made three Papa Sandwiches, and went on a fly killing spree in the process. I prefer to not call them flies, but rather, my enemies. That way, after a smash their tiny chitin exoskeletons against the side of the fridge, I can call out to my other enemies that I have smote one of their brethren, one of my enemies, upon the mountainside. I am sure that Pancake Land really appreciates the announcements at 4am that yet another one of my enemies has been smote upon the mountainside.

It is kind of weird and kind of nice being up before Morning Edition, or rather since it is Saturday, Weekend Edition comes on NPR. Oh, speaking of NPR, did you guys hear that Daniel Schorr died. Total drag. Much props to that guy.

So, if 3am is the witching hour, what does that make 4am. Hold that thought, somebody threw up on the floor. At least I think it is vomit. Could be poop. Nope, it’s vomit. Or scentless poop. Gotta go clean that up. Hold on…

And we’re back. You wanna hear about the vomit? Okay. It wasn’t the typical mucousy vomit. Imagine that you chewed up a Snack Size Payday really well and spit it on the floor. Only, instead of Payday, you had chewed up cat food. That was what it was like. Today is awesome.

What was I saying? Oh, I think I was trying to come up with something clever about the hour after the witching hour or something. It lost momentum because of the vomit. Well, the vomit is probably funnier anyway.

So, if you couldn’t figure it out by now, Le Duke is coming over around 8am to work with me on framing in the rest of the office in the garage. We got the wall up yesterday. We just have to put in the ceiling joists and the door. After that, Steve Dee is supposed to come by and run my electrical wire so that I can start insulating. Then drywall, mudding, paint, flooring, and we’re set for lift off. I am so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for you so far. But, alas, the day is far from over. I mean, it is still dark outside. Jeez. More soon. ~SC


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