For the first time in a while, my calender is not warning me of something that is happening in the next 7 days. That just means that for the next week I don’t have to congratulate anyone for being squeezed out of a vagina. Or go to the dentist. Birthdays and dentist appointments, that’s what a calender is for. If only I didn’t actually have anything to do for the next week. Like when Jesus emails me and he’s like:

“It’s cool. I’ve cleared your schedule for the next week. I’ve got some buddies of mine making turtle plates, and (insert magic wand sound) now you know the entirety of your Zoology and Trigonometry coursework. Let me know if Booth and Bones do it. Oh, wait, I’m Jesus. I already know. Peace out, Homie. ~JC”

Ain’t Jesus swell?

If that actually happened, the first thing I’d do is shit my pants. Both for dramatic effect and because I don’t have anything else to do. I would burn through the season and half I left on NetFlix and then I’d start working on stuff around here. Finishing my office, hanging up Pancake Land’s hammock, getting an oil change for Ava, watching Son in Law so that we could return it to NetFlix and P.L. can get a different movie, you know, stuff like that.

Why is it so friggin’ dark outside? This is bullshit. Where are the warming rays of ultraviolet radiation? I’m…so…cold…

P.L. got here Halloween costume in the mail yesterday. Hot. So hot. No spoiler for you, though. Me? Well, if I actually leave the house, I’m planning on going as a hobo/David Sedaris.

The worst part about having a shitty beard, or a good beard for that matter, is the little hairs that fall out when you scratch it and then you have all of these little (what look like) pubes on your keyboard. I guess it is a good way to keep people from licking your keyboard. My guess, though, is that if you need ways to keep people from licking your keyboard, you have much larger problems than little beard hairs. As for me, I just find little hairs, be them mine or kittens, on my keyboard very upsetting. They are just very distracting and as you can tell from reading this far into this post, I don’t need any help in the distraction category.

Hey. You know what? I’ve got to go to class. More soon. ~SC