What Is That? It Smells Like Dead Fish And Burning Ass.


September 19, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

At night lately the smell of fire and death has washed over my part of town. It has been happening for at least three nights in a row and it starting to upset me. I have nothing against the smell of burning leaves, but the dead fish smell that accompanies it, I can do without. Maybe somebody is burning a Magnolia tree. They smell like ass when they are blooming, so maybe they smell like ass when you burn them, too. Whatever it is, it stinks.

So, Operation B and I rocked the shit out of building my office yesterday. It took us forever to get started, but once we did we rocked it. Wanna see it? Oh, all right. If I don’t show you a photo or a video, then you would have to come over a see it, and, hey, I’ve got stuff to do. I can’t just be giving tours of my new office all the time. I have a life. I have dreams. And you and your tour are not going to stop me from accomplishing my goals. Anyway, here’s my office:

The video doesn’t really do it justice, but it beats having to personally show it to my thousands of devoted and screaming fans.

So in the hunt for carpeting for the office, I stumbled upon a pretty kick ass find out at A to Z. I scored a canvas lab coat with snaps for 3 bucks. Fits me like a glove. I also scored an Erlenmeyer flask filled with Halloween candy. It was labeled as a beaker. Oh, you silly laypeople. I have been avoiding doing this, but now I realize that I must. We have to have a talk. This is not a beaker:

This is an Erlenmeyer flask.

Now this is a beaker:

See the difference?

And this is a Beaker:

Meep meep, meep.

Now, have we learned our lesson? Good. Moving on.

So, Pancake Land and I were rocking a pretty good high last night, her from the Hogs victory, me from the office building, when the Universe decided that we needed to be brought back down to Earth. About 10:30pm last night Pancake Land discovered that Houdini had died.

For those of you who don’t know, Houdini was our hamster. Specifically, he was Pancake Land’s hamster. He was a Grismas presnent to her two years ago from Little Peddler and G-Man. The same year that I got Mortimer Ichabod. Anyway, her surprise that Grismas was kind of spoiled when he escaped. Thus earning himself the name Houdini. Luckily we found him just as Cash (the cat) found him.

Needless to say, last night, Pancake Land was a wreck. He was her little friend. And now he is dead. I buried him under the Sweet Gum tree with his chewing toy shaped like a wedge of cheese.

R.I.P. Houdini Holliday June 25, 2008 - September 18, 2010

Hey, can you do me a big favor? Will all of you loving and devoted readers tell your kids that he is dead, so that way when they come over they won’t be like “Can I see the hamster?” Because if Pancake Land starts crying again I swear to God I will dig that little guy up and show your child the rotting corpse of my pet. Thanks, bunches.

Well, that was certainly a downer moment. I need some cheering up, how about you?

It’s hypnotizing isn’t it?

Anyway, I’ve got to go do all of the things that I have been neglecting in order to build my office. More soon. ~SC

1 comment »

  1. Jessica says:

    Yeah, sorry about the smell. I’m pretty sure it is coming from my house. Zeppelin has no less than 3 rotting opossum corpses that he is guarding at the moment.

    I can’t stand the thought that my Gerald is going to die some day. I refuse to believe it.

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