The Official Grismas Post.


December 25, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

So, I have been up for almost six hours and my state of existence hasn’t improved too much. Luckily, I don’t actually have anything that I have to do. The fam is meeting for lunch in a little bit, but it is not mandatory, and if I don’t get to feeling better I will be spending the rest of the day recovering. I can’t even imagine how awesome I would feel if I had partaken of the copious amounts of booze that were scattered about last night. There would not have been any of that getting up at 6am business for me. Not today. But I got up. And I went to Big D’s and Word to Me’s house. Why did I get up? The answer is simple. It is because I remember and cherish the real meaning of Grismas.


Add this morning’s booty to the big pile from last night, and I have a new problem on my hands: where to put all of this stuff?

Oh, sorry blanked out for a second reading reviews of balaclavas. I think I am going to brew some coffee.

And we’re back. Coffee is brewing. Let’s talk about how much cool stuff I got and you didn’t. Shall we? Okay, then. I received (in no particular order): a red KitchenAid mixer, a Weber grill, stainless steel grilling utensils, a set of Mastering the Grill cards, refills for my button press, a pound of Topeca coffee, a pound of SMoffee (the official coffee of SModcast), a set of prep bowls, a MiBook (the Food Network Cooking Edition), Katamari Forever, a badass print of anti-nuclear weapon Soviet propaganda (complete with disc of all remaining Soviet propaganda images of the same type), an iTunes gift card, the coveted Wyld Stallyns shirt, a new “extra firm” pillow, the One From the Heart soundtrack on vinyl, a new vest to add to the collection, a pair of fingerless Nightmare Before Christmas gloves, a babydoll Mario Kart shirt (always check the tags), a tin of baklava (no you cannot have any), As Always, Julia (the collected letters between Julia Child and Avis Devoto), the Alfredo “Al” Dente hand puppet, a set of Razorback frosty mugs, a double ended ninja spatula, and a whole stocking worth of Santa-brought goodies, and on, and on, until my fingers fall off. If I have not listed a gift that you gave me, please do not be offended. I have a whole friggin’ mountain of presnents here in my office and I only scratched the surface with that list.

Overall, I have to say that I did pretty well, even if I didn’t win. Pancake Land always wins. Otherwise, Grismas would be canceled. There is one gift that I feel I need to talk about all by itself, though. For the most part, I received gifts that I had told people that I wanted or they remembered us having a conversation about something and gave a gift based on that. All very personal gifts. Everyone of them. But one gift, or rather two gifts, were particularly personal and totally blindsided me. Mainly, because I would have never thought to ask for something so outlandishly brilliant. For months now, Teacher Sis has been hyping this gift that she was getting me. “It is the coolest presnent ever.” Her words. That is a huge claim. Huge. The problem with hyping things is that people get their expectations up and are usually disappointed. cough…Ladder Goat.. cough…

But, in order to be disappointed in a hyped up version of something, you have to have pieces of the puzzle. I had diddly squat. In fact, no one had any information. She told Lord SteveDee about it, but it is definitely not his thing, so he was not impressed. I guess it would be the equivalent of me trying to explain how cool the traffic sign being an asymptote is to Pancake Land, but I digress. I think the thing that impresses me about this gift, besides the fact that it is totally fucking awesome, is that it is not just personal, it is my whole friggin’ modus operandi. Okay, now I am hyping it too much. Wanna know what she got me? Okay, then. Here:

"It's all about finesse."

That’s right, she hunted down Thomas-Fucking-Keller and got me a signed copy of The French Laundry, as well as a signed daily menu. If that is not something that I would do, then I don’t know what is. She killed me with my own sword. I almost cried. I got the vapors, but I had to fan them away. Did you get signed presnents from one of the most amazing and talented people on the planet? I don’t think so-o-o-o. Disappointed? I think not. I can see now, why she was so excited about it. When she first had the idea, she was going to wait until my birthday to give it to me. She wouldn’t have made it. I felt like such a lame-o after that.

Well, in reality, I felt like such a lame-o after her family got her the exact same thing that me and Prince Jazzbo got her. And the best part is that Bubba Fett posted pictures of it on the Facebook before they left the house to come to the folk’s house, so Jazz and I got to sulk about it for fifteen minutes before giving it to her. Awesome. We have got to work on our communication skills. It doesn’t matter, though. Next year, I am going to have to be extra creative to top what she did for me this year.

Well, I think that about sums up this year’s Grismas. Pancake Land just woke up, so I am going to go bug her. More soon. ~SC

1 comment »

  1. TeacherSis says:

    No worries about the coffeemaker…It makes for good stories. We don’t need toooo much of the warm tingling feelings or our reputations would be ruined. 🙂


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