I Am A Transformer.

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January 27, 2012 by sandwichcontrol

To set the mood for this post, I think a little theme music is in order. Maestro, if you please…

Y’all weren’t ready.

It is Friday once again. That means I’ma hit with a load of info to blow your brains out. First up is my new article on the City Wire. If you’d care to read it, click here: If This Is Rong, I Don’t Wanna Be Rite.

Next up, there’s a new Date Night up on this here webshite. This week’s episode features our very own sound editor, Dave. It is our take on Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil.  Enjoy. We’ve all agreed that we think it is our funniest podcast yet.

Also, White Chocolate came by last night to see my face again for the first time and eat some cookies and I showed off my new Instax. Shazam!

White Chocolate and Kingston

Also, there’s a good chance that Prince Jazzbo will be making his triumphant return to the Fort today, so everybody try not to punch his face at the same time.

In other news, the great Mug-a-thon of 2012 begins today. Ugh. And don’t let me forget that I have a geography quiz to take tonight.

The bank run for Jesus was quite lucrative yesterday. I got some Crunchy Reese’s and yet another 25lb. (11.34kg) bag of sugar for to make cookies out of. And some “cherry” flavored chips. That reminds me. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about a little cookie science.

Recently, after making my dark chocolate/mint/cashew cookies, I observed that if you have a set number of base ingredients, let’s call them constants, you can change a handful of ingredients based on good judgement, let’s call them variables, and you’ll produce excellent cookies every time.

Granted, your cooking procedure has to also remain constant or else risk shitty cookies, but whatever. Let’s just assume that you are a master at reproducing the cookie procedure, thereby assuming that you’ll do exactly the same thing every time you prepare cookies. This will allow us to move onto the next set of constants. Assuming that you do not change brands or suppliers of your ingredients, then we can safely deduce that these factors will also remain constant.  Thus allowing us to introduce variables. So what we’ll need to begin:

1/2 cup granulated white sugar

1/4 cup packed light brown sugar

1 stick unsalted butter

1 egg, preferably organic

1 and 1/4 cup all purpose flour

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt, preferably Morton’s regular ol’ iodized salt

These are our constant ingredients. Our variables will be as follows:

1 tsp of extract (pure vanilla, almond, orange, etc.)

8oz. chips (chocolate, mint, fruit flavored, etc.)

8oz. nuts (pecan, walnut, macadamia, cashew, etc.)

Now, if we have our base mixture, we can change the three variables around to suit our personal tastes. Possible combinations? I’ll make a few suggestions:

The Dreamsicle: orange extract, white chip, macadamias

The Nutella: hazelnut extract, dark chocolate, hazelnuts

The PB&J: grape, blackberry or strawberry extract, peanut butter chip, peanuts

The Almond Joy: coconut extract, milk chocolate

I think you get the idea. The possibilities are limitless. If you’d like my exact cookie preparation and cooking procedure, or if you have any brilliant ideas of your own to share, email me your requests and ideas to sandwichcontrol at gmail dot com. I’ll let you test my hypothesis out and see if it works. If not, we’ll rework it until we write cookie theory. One day it will be know as The Cookie Law. A boy can dream can’t he?

Anywho, I’d better get to work. If you need me, come to the studio. I’ll be there all weekend. More soon. ~SC


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