When Half of Two Equals Zero.


April 21, 2015 by sandwichcontrol

You can stop doing push-ups.

Yesterday I handled the business.

All of it.

All of it?


This is what happens when you wake up at 4:30am having the most wonderful dream about chain smoking whole cartons of cigarettes. Lucky Strikes at that.

You’re probably thinking that was a bad dream. You would be wrong. Don’t worry, you’re probably wrong about all sorts of things, a lot of the time.

It was the best dream of my whole life. Just me and cigarettes. Walking hand in hand everywhere. And I smoked all of them.

Every one?



Then, I got out of bed. And took care of it.

What’s “it”?

Monday. That’s what.

I punched it in its stupid whore face.

I ate its babies for breakfast.

I spit in its girlfriends mouth and she asked for more.

This is why I’m good at my job.

Because I handle it. Whatever “it” is. I handle it.

Like a goddamn grown-up.

Today, I’ll be sweeping up all the broken glass.

From when I kicked Monday so hard it went through the window.

I’ll also be making you do push-ups.

Gird your loins.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC


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