Cookie Monster Is Sad Because He Has No Cookies.


July 1, 2015 by sandwichcontrol

You are sad because you have no friends.

If you iPhones users out there haven’t asked Siri what zero divided by zero is, you really should.

Yesterday, I listened to Lana Del Rey all day.



She’s like if 1970’s Tom Waits and 1970’s Charles Bukowski had a baby. In one song she says her pussy tastes like Pepsi cola. I bet it does, honey.

And her cover of “Blue Velvet” is quite nice, too. And you know how much I love that song. It takes a lot for me to say someone is even in the same league as Bobby Vinton. And she is. She even throws a little nod to David Lynch in the video.

Anyway, another day of Pony Camp down sans ponies for this guy.

Hey, welcome to July everybody. I hope you’re ready for the weather to get unbearably hot. I pray for a swift and merciful heat stroke. Let me die with honor. Facing my enemy. My enemy being the sun. I’ll make sure to fill my pockets full of rocks and aim for the swimming pool. I’ll be fucked for sure, then. Two enemies, one pocketful of stones.

I’m off to do all the push-ups before day three of Pony Camp. More than likely another day with Lana.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC

1 comment »

  1. Geoffrey says:

    I asked Siri your question and it made me sad. Then I ate a cookie, and I was like “F you B”, I got cookies in my cupboard!

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