Mama Shifts Blame.

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October 28, 2021 by sandwichcontrol

And daddy gas lit her.

Now say that again but to the tune of “Daddy Sang Bass, Mama Sang Tenor”.

You’re welcome.

The word of the day is: Structure.

Structure
[ struhk-cher ]
noun
mode of building, construction, or organization; arrangement of parts, elements, or constituents:
a pyramidal structure.
something built or constructed, as a building, bridge, or dam.
a complex system considered from the point of view of the whole rather than of any single part:
the structure of modern science.
anything composed of parts arranged together in some way; an organization.
the relationship or organization of the component parts of a work of art or literature:
the structure of a poem.
verb (used with object), struc·tured, struc·tur·ing.
to give a structure, organization, or arrangement to; construct or build a systematic framework for:
to structure a curriculum so well that a novice teacher can use it.

I literally shit out five pounds yesterday.

No.

Not the English currency.

Although that may have been better.

Does that ever happen to you?

Not the shitting out of foreign currency.

The randomly just getting a day full of shits.

I would call it diarrhea, only because most of it was semi or wholly liquid.

But I had no stomach pains or cramps.

I didn’t feel any more nauseated than I do on a not shitting five pounds out day.

In short, I felt just as miserable as I always feel.

Other than the random bubbly tummy and the farts I couldn’t trust, it was a totally normal day for me GI tract.

I ate the normal stuff.

I drank the normal stuff.

I have to give props to Jitterbug for talking me into getting bidets for all the toilets.

Otherwise my asshole would be rawer than sashimi.

In other news, I had a brilliant idea yesterday.

It came to me when I stopped myself from brake checking one of the children’s faces into the dashboard because they were dawdling putting their seatbelt on.

I told the kids they really don’t appreciate how evil I am not.

I always say that it’s the bad things that I don’t do that are my good deeds of the day.

And so that others may appreciate how nice I am the rest of the time, I am going to celebrate a new, week-long holiday.

I’m calling it Evil Week.

I haven’t decided when it’ll be yet.

But you’ll know when it happens.

Because I will get to unleash my true self upon the world.

All will love me and despair.

It’ll probably be next year, though.

Since I am still avoiding holidays this year, for some unknown reason.

I also think I’m going to chase that memoir writing whim and see where it takes me.

In all likelihood it’ll just end up being a notebook with random crap that pops into my head moldering away in a box in the basement.

Just like all the other times I’ve tried to write down autobiographical nonsense.

I can’t decide if I want to stick with one of the two working titles I’ve been sitting on for ages or if I want a fresh title.

Tell me what you think?

The two titles are: “A Grape Milkshake and Other Dumb Inventions by Adam Brandt” & “Please Don’t Leave Me: A Love Song For Cigarettes”.

Thoughts?

Okay.

I should probably get my ass in gear.

I have a lot to do today.

And a memoir to start.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC


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