Every Prose Has Its Hawthorne.


November 11, 2021 by sandwichcontrol

Just like every Knotts has its Don.

The word of the day is: Tentacles.


[ ten-tuh-kuhl ]
Zoology. any of various slender, flexible processes or appendages in animals, especially invertebrates, that serve as organs of touch, prehension, etc.; feeler.
Botany. a sensitive filament or process, as one of the glandular hairs of the sundew.                                                                                               
Urban Dictionary: A japanese schoolgirl’s best friend.

You’ve been warned.

Don’t come crying to me after you’ve had your chocolate balloon knot violated.

So the IT department at my office made me an honorary member of the IT department.

I got handed a tablet that was once used at one of the world’s largest retailers.

The tablet had software on it from said retailer that prevented it from being used as a regular tablet.

The idea being that if Joe Public saw one of these tablets laying around in a store unattended they wouldn’t be tempted to filch it and use it for their own whims.

Their software would kindly tell JP that it was a useless paperweight unless it wanted to be an employee at the aforementioned retailer.

The interesting thing is that when the retailer upgrades the tablet or changes the way it does things for which the tablet was once used, the old tablet gets discarded and it slowly makes its way to a warehouse where it will sit on a pallet collecting dust until the pallet of tablets is auctioned off or sold to a recycler.

The fun part of this fascinating tale is that my office owns the warehouse where the pallet of tablets lives.

And if we can use anything in the warehouse for our office, we get first dibs.

IT notices a pallet of perfectly good tablets and thinks that maybe we can find something to do with them.

In order for IT to use these tablets, they have to get around that darn ol’ software they put on them.

As a sorta joke, IT hands me one of the tablets and tells me to see if I can crack it.

I have no idea about software or coding or any of that shit.

But, as anyone that has played with video games with me can attest, I’m a mean button masher.

So I did what anyone would do.

I Googled how to get around the software, stole some microSD cards, downloaded random bit os software to the cards, and jammed them into the tablet.

Then I button mashed until something worked.

I made sure to keep track of the path I took to get it to work.

So when the IT guys got back from lunch I had solved their riddle.

And I had even left a trail for people who know what the fuck they are doing to follow.

I imagine I would be pretty dangerous if I knew what I was doing.

But instead I’m just a monkey solving a Rubix cube.

They got a pallet of tablets and I got a cookie outta the deal.

Everyone won.

I probably should’ve spent the rest of the day reading.

But I didn’t.

Today I’ll give that a try.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC


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