Literally Eating Your Heart Out.


November 3, 2021 by sandwichcontrol

With a spoon. Because it’ll hurt more.

The word of the day is: Sustainable.

[ suh-stey-nuh-buhl ]
capable of being supported or upheld, as by having its weight borne from below.
pertaining to a system that maintains its own viability by using techniques that allow for continual reuse:
sustainable agriculture. Aquaculture is a sustainable alternative to overfishing.
able to be maintained or kept going, as an action or process:
a sustainable negotiation between the two countries.
able to be confirmed or upheld:
a sustainable decision.
able to be supported as with the basic necessities or sufficient funds:
a sustainable life.

I’m not sure where the idea of using home canned goods to represent sustainability, but I’m going with it.

Maybe it had something to do with growing and preserving your own food to sustain you when the world ends?

Maybe I was sleep deprived and thought the word was sustenance?

Who the fuck knows?

My note just says “with home canned goods”.

And there’s a ^ over ‘home’ as I added it as an afterthought.


There was this clusterfuck of a fundraiser at Debb the Blebb’s school.

Long story really short, we ended up with a fuck ton of popcorn.

Lots of different “flavors”.

I put that in air quotes because they are indeed flavored, but the taste doesn’t in any way resemble the name.

You can tell that the popcorn is clearly flavored with something, but it is impossible to distinguish which one is “cheddar madness” without reading the label.

Since they were all some variety of cheesy and or peppery, I just dumped them all together in a giant tub.

Let’s be real here.

Jitterbug doesn’t eat popcorn unless it is drowned in caramel and/or chocolate.

HayHay has braces.

Aldis the Goldenboy is oblivious.

Mr. Boobodie doesn’t eat anything that tastes in any way different from chicken nuggies or pepperoni pizza.

So that leaves me and Debb to eat 9 kilos of popcorn.

I think I ate about 750 grams of it yesterday.

Combined with my super granola and yogurt that I had for lunch and my supergreens smoothie I had for dinner, today’s poops are gonna be wild.

I wonder if there’s a term for being a person that has all of their favorite foods taken from them by the man.

Like I’ve gone through three different peanut butters in the last decade.

I find one I really like and then the company stops making it.

And it’s not like they stopped making all the products in the line.

Just the one that I like.

I really liked this honey roasted peanut butter that Peter Pan makes.

And the crunchy was fucking awesome.

They stopped making the crunchy, but they still make the creamy.

What the fuck is that about?!

I can understand once, but three fucking times?!

And it’s not just limited to peanut butter.

Hot sauces, white chicken chili, yogurt, chips, chewing gum, and the list goes on and on.

I tried asking Google to tell me what you call a person cursed to have their life ruined by the discontinuation of the foods that bring them joy.

Apparently I’m the only one.

Or at least the only one that cries about it on his stupid website.

But seriously though.

Fuck them for not making Taco Bell Fire Sauce in a bottle anymore.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC

1 comment »

  1. Dave says:

    You’re not alone. This happens to me all the time and I gripe about it every time I go to the store. Wholly rollys, kimchi, the peanut butter, etc. etc.

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