Holy crap! Do I have a lot to talk about this morning? Yes! Yesterday was very eventful for a Tuesday. Where do I even begin? I guess I’ll start with “Nature Day”, but first I have to go poop. Did you know that if you a lot of cashews that your poo will turn yellow? Not like French’s yellow mustard. More like yellow ochre, but slightly more tan. Moving on.

It turns out that yesterday was Nature Day in Lippincottonia. Nobody knew it going into the day, but that’s the holidays in Lippincottonia for you. They just sort of show up at the door step. It all began with the strangely large numbers of rabbits I saw as I was riding to work. I must of seen 10 or 15 rabbits in various places, both on the way and once I arrived on the ranch. Seeing rabbits is not unusual around these parts, especially this time of the year, but still 10-15 rabbits in one five minute trike ride is a bit weird.

Then, as I was walking out to new house to start working on the drywall in the upstairs bathroom, I saw a terrapin. Or rather, I saw a Box Turtle. Even though all box turtles are in the Genus Terrapene, the innernet disbelieves that they are called terrapins. So, yeah, I saw a box turtle. A big one. It was just crossing the road. So, I helped it along before the HVAC guys showed up and accidentally ran over it. If I wasn’t being pressured to get a lot done before Le Duke leaves, I would have taken the time to identify the gender and species of said box turtle, but alas there was drywall to cut and hang, so no.

A few hours later, I was on my way into the old house for some water when I ran into Taco Planet who had been mowing. First, let me say that Taco Planet was wearing his newly made pair of Daisy Dukes, so it was difficult to look at him, let alone take him seriously. That is why it took me a while to make sense of the words coming from his mouth. The words sounded like “Have you seen the beans?” What does that mean? I don’t know. Once I managed to hold up my hand to block him from my field of vision, the words “Have you seen our bees?” came through the filter into my brain. It didn’t make any more sense than the previous statement. Taco Planet, realizing that he looked ridiculous and therefore threw simple things like logic and words right out the window, signaled for me to follow him. And there they were. On the ground. Right next to the driveway. A pile of bees.

I wasn’t kidding. There was a pile of bees on the ground. They were totally calm and relaxed. Hell, they let me get close enough to take that photo and not a single one came up and buzzed me. Apparently, it is a pretty rare sight for bees to swarm on the ground like that, so I felt pretty lucky to get a photo of it. I had put a call in to a friend who has a few hives for honey making, but by the time they got back to me, the bees had gone. If they show back up, it’s on.

A little while later, whilst searching for the spot where Portia keeps escaping from, I came across something on the ground and rushed to find Taco Planet. After all, he had shown me the bees, so I showed him the ridiculously cute baby Blue Jay. And then we spotted another on the ground. And one in a tree. It was about this time that Mama Blue Jay started swooping at our heads and we high-tailed it out of there. I guess they were having a flying lesson.

And that pretty much summed up Nature Day. In less you want to hear about all of the flies and mosquitoes and spiders that plagued me yesterday.I didn’t think so. On to something a little more amusing.

Lately, I’ve run out of my normal back-up lunches that I take to work. The ones for the days when I don’t have any leftovers to take. So I thought to myself, frozen burritos are small, convenient, and cheap. Why won’t they work? So, I bought a couple of bean & cheese and a couple of beef & bean. And I took one to work yesterday. I apparently ignored all of the logical warning signs about these things and went ahead with the plan to eat them. The warning signs are as follows:

1) They cost $0.38 a piece. Yes that’s right. Thirty eight cents.

2) They are called “Patio Burrito” which in hindsight, sounds like a code name for a dog turd.

What happened when I microwaved this thing is that all of the moisture that was in it wicked out into the paper towel that the instructions recommended that I wrap it in. Then, once the moisture was gone, the burrito glued itself to the paper towel ensuring that I was now going to have to eat little bits of paper towel. Then of course there was the texture of the burrito which was like eating paper towel and the stuff you have left over after erasing pencil marks on a Math test. You know, the eraser dust. Like that. It was like a tiny desert. The depressing kind in documentaries. At some point in the middle of the burrito, it became like a swamp rather than a desert, but that only lasted a few seconds and then it was back to desert. This experience made me conclude that there are only two things that this burrito could be made out of: despair and sorrow. That would explain the dryness. For it had run out of tears.

Emo Burrito.

Last night, after tutoring, I went to dinner with Teacher Sis. What was supposed to be a small gathering of people to try out the food for this new food business (we thought a restaurant) turned out to be only us at a sales pitch for a pyramid scheme. Awesome. There was talk of hitting Taco Bell afterwards, but I had soup waiting on me at Holliday Island.

Pancake Land’s day wasn’t any better than mine. She is in a place mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. that can only be summed up with the phrase “When it rains, it pours”. Apparently, on top of all of the other stress in her life, her computer decided to get a virus that hides all of your personal files and threatens to shut your hard drive down while pretending to be a Windows emergency repair application. All she wanted was a relaxing night of NetFlix and innernet, and she had to deal with that. I left her alone and she finally got it all sussed out, but Jeezus. Like Snoop says: “If it’s not one thing, it’s a motha fuckin’ other.”

In other news, Sweetbread has got a new post up. More wrasslin’ goodness. Also, I have a dentist appointment this morning. After my routine scraping, I have to get Le Duke to the airport. Then back to dry walling. Operation B graduates from High School tomorrow. And Zaxxon should be here sometime late Thursday night/early Friday morning. Exciting things are happening around here and I need to get to it. More soon. ~SC