I have come to a realization this morning: I don’t really care about bacon.

I wanted to, but it’s just not happening. I mean, bacon’s alright, I guess, but it’s just not my thing. Like pepperoni. I could give a shit about pepperoni being on my pizza. What I really care about, when it comes to breakfast meats and pizza toppings, is sausage. I’m a sausage fan. And not in that hanging out in public bath houses kind of way. Yeah, I could hear the little jokes forming in your minds. That’s what my tin foil hat is for, ya’ dingus. Anyways, sausage is where it is at for me. That is probably why I ended up purchasing a package of sausage links that had been made out of maple bacon. You heard me. They took maple bacon, ground it up, and made it into sausage links. As seen here:

Like I’ve stated previously, I really wanted to dig on bacon in that bacon-related fallback gift purchase kind of way, but no. This sausage tasted like maple bacon. And I didn’t like that. It upset me. This sausage was no sausage, and since it wasn’t sausage, it was no sausage of mine.

But there is a bigger question here: why would they make bacon into sausage? Follow me here. If you liked bacon and not sausage, then you’d just eat bacon. I mean is there a contingency of bacon eaters out there who want desperately to eat sausages? Like Baconoholics Anonymous or something? Or did they make the sausage for people like me who wanted to like bacon?

Perhaps it is the unnecessary cross over that bothers me. Normally, I am a big fan of the culinary crossover, but they have gone too far. Taco pizza and ice cream cakes can stay, but bacon sausage, you’ve got to go. But, what about me? Does that make me a sausage purist? Will I begin turning my nose up at anything in a stamped patty shape or extruded into artificial casings? Probably not. I just know where my lines are drawn. I know where my loyalties lie. Team sausage for life, bitches.

Alright, I’ve got to figure out what to do with all of this faux-sausage bacon grease. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. More soon. ~SC