But not at all like James Earl Jones.

At some point last night, my voice went from normal to James Earl Jones with a hint of Tom Waits. It didn’t hurt or anything, it just went deep. If you know what I mean. This morning, i.e. four hours after I went to bed, my throat actually hurts. Being a grown up is awesome.

And there is mucous. I can feel it. I should probably go to the doctor. I’ll go after graduation, though. If I have throat cancer, I’ll still have throat cancer after I graduate. Unless wearing a cardboard hat and a trash bag dress cures throat cancer. Whatever is wrong with me, and not in whatever clever little way you are thinking of right now, I just hope that my voice stays like this, minus the mucous and the soreness.

So, yeah. I graduate today. From college. No big deal. No seriously. It’s not. I was more excited about the PhD that I bought online for $3. So, that said, you have my permission to not sit through graduation. I have to be there. Unless my throat starts weeping blood of something. Batman willing. Yes. Don’t go. Unless you want to. You’re grown ups. Do what you want. I’m just saying that I won’t be at all offended if you are not there. Because I probably won’t see you. Because I’ll be trapped with all of the other idiots in their garbage can get-ups on the floor of the gymnasium.

In other news, I am very handsome.

And now the voice matches the face.

Check it out:

So handsome.

Alright, well, I guess I’m going to go take a shower. Maybe the steam will clear my head up a bit. We’ll see. And I’ll talk to you all after graduation. More soon. ~SC