Ignore the block and OPEN THE DOOR!

Last night, I got totally stressed out watching people play the new Mario Bros. for Wii U. If you thought New Super Mario Bros. for Wii was stressful, then you had better just not even look at the new one for Wii U. Okay, remember the chaos of playing four player mode from the other game? Now add a fifth player who is not on screen, but instead is like a merciful God who actually intervenes when you ask him/her to by moving blocks, crushing enemies, and providing jumping blocks to prevent you from falling down holes.

This all sounds great, right? And you are wondering why I am talking smack. Well, 1) I am not talking trash about this game. It’s brilliant. And 2) In case you were unaware, two mushroom people and two plumbers aided by a semi-all-powerful God are not exactly well-trained counter-terrorist special operatives. They’re clumsy dinguses who’ve been brought in to save their friend. So, in that aspect it almost like real life. A group of friends trying to help out a friend who is in trouble. Let’s just pretend that Bowser is drug addiction or an abusive spouse rather than a giant turtle. For the sake of reality.

Add to that, the fact that the people controlling these ill-prepared heroes are a group of people that, when placed in exactly the same situation in real life, i.e. storming castles filled with fire, would probably act and perform about the same as their on-screen counter parts. You have the person who is randomly surprised by the fact that they are not at home checking Facebook, the person who really is giving 110% but that still isn’t enough to save them from rivers of lava, the person with a death wish, and the one who insists on hitting that box to see what’s inside even those all of his friends could be saved from certain and imminent death by him just opening the fucking door and exiting the room. Then, there’s the God character, who at some point gets bored and frustrated trying to help his friends so, instead,  amuses him/herself by slowly and methodically fucking his friends over.

It wracked my brain. I couldn’t even watch it, let alone play it.

And there’s the new suit that you can get. The flying squirrel suit which allows you to glide around and cling to walls and whatnot.

Whoa, sorry. I went on a little rant there. It was for the kids.

Well, Furious Jessy and Dave both have new posts for you guys, so be sure to check them out.

FJ’s is here: Cryin‘. And Dave’s are here: bleep, blorp, bloop.

And Pancake Land just dropped this awesome bomb on me. You are not ready.

All right. I have to go buy milk. Have a great weekend. More soon. ~SC