What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, three legs in the evening, 46 legs around 9:30pm, a breakfast sandwich for dinner with a side order of hash browns (fully dressed), and can shoot lasers from its eyes?

Your guess is as good as mine.

I’d like to start out by wishing a very Happy Birthday to Stellar-Badass Enormous Genitals. Be sure to wish him one as well.

Yesterday was a good day. A good day that ended evilly. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The first thing that happened was West Brom’s total obliteration at the hand’s of Manchester United 3-0. Sucked. Hard. If Man U hadn’t beaten up all of my players, we might have scored once at least.

Then, it was grandparent time. Mostly, I just did the things that I wasn’t allowed to do as a child. Namely, we played in the “crick” out behind the house. We were forbidden from going anywhere near it as kids. Probably because of the one-lane bridge that was right next to the house. It is one thing to worry about snakes and drowning, it is a whole other to worry about bad drivers as well.

If you didn’t know this, I hail from the quartz crystal capital of the world. So, we gathered crystals as well.

Then, we hit the thrift shop for some bargain shopping and we ordered a decadent pizza from the Pizza Shack. So good.

And there was this:

Part of me misses small town life. The other part of me is glad we left. Very, very glad.

Then, it was back down the mountains to home and preparations for Pathfinder.

Evil Campaign!

Furious Jessy was feeling ill, and not in that b-boy way, so she crashed and Back Alley Trey stepped up to bat for her. We murdered a lot of goblins. And an ogre. We then proceeded to steal their things and get the hell out. And we didn’t die. No, we leveled up instead.

At some point we were in an octagonal room of mirrors with a raised dais in the center. We were not reflected in the mirrors. If you stood on the dais you would see yourself reflected in the the 8 mirrors as yourself at different times in your life, from pre-birth to death. At some point, Jackie the Mick’s character was examining the reflections and it was mentioned (jokingly) that in a certain mirror, his ass looked huge, and then the Spanx jokes began. I couldn’t resist making the joke that became the title of the post. So, there’s that.

Today is a day of rest. Mainly because I was robbed of an hour today. Bastards stealing my shit. I’ll get in back in the fall, though. Lotta good that’ll do me in the meantime. Still won’t change the fact that I’m tired today.

I’m off to tidy up a bit and do a little hammock reading. Try to enjoy your Sunday.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC