Doesn’t mean I didn’t workout.

That sums up my weekend.

The Blacksmith told me to spend my weekends doing an “active rest” because I don’t go to workouts on the weekend. Let me reiterate, just because I didn’t do 100 push-ups this weekend, does not mean I didn’t workout.

So, I feel absolutely no guilt in eating those deliciously decadent Super Nachos. Or that tub of Tahitian Vanilla Bean gelato.

Speaking of Tahitian Vanilla Bean gelato, that is the most ridiculously first-world stuff in existence. A pint of that stuff is five bucks, but damn if it isn’t worth every penny. It’s like they make it out of baby tears and Unicorn blood. Magical shit, yo.

I mean, seriously magical, wasteful white people food.

So, of course I’m going to spray paint the container and repurpose that shit. I mean, I paid five bucks for it. I’m gonna ride it ’til the wheels fall off. Maybe put loose screws in it or something. Like my Papa would do.

But, that’s not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about business. My business. The one where I make pickled spicy cabbage and you buy it. Three words: shit just got real. Okay, four words. Whatever.

So, I’ve been dealing with this whole “my fridge is over-filled with kimchi, the ingredients for kimchi, and tubs of stuff that will eventually be kimchi” crisis. It has been stressing me out. Why? Because I have to empty a shelf every morning to get to the coffee. And nothing comes between me and my dark life-blood first thing in the morning. My relationship to coffee is identical to Batman’s relationship with justice. In my religion of Batman, it is like communion in the Catholic church. I transubstantiatate that shit into the holy blood of living justice and constant vigilance.

Plus, if I don’t have it, I’ll get a wicked headache by 10am. I imagine it is similar to the headaches the Joker gives to Batman. I imagine there is a lot of forehead holding and mumbling “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” that happens in the Batcave. Because that is what happens if I forget to drink coffee.

Why would I forget to do such an important thing in my day? Because there is a wall of other stuff in front of the coffee. I bet you are asking yourself, why don’t you just put the coffee on the front of the fridge shelf? Or maybe, why is there coffee in the fridge to begin with?

#1: I can’t put the other stuff in back because it is food. Food that I use throughout the day, not just first thing in the morning.

#2: Fuck you. I don’t criticize you for the way you do things. I’m a grown-up. I do things how I want to. I choose to make cold-brewed coffee concentrate. And take shots for breakfast. 500 hunderd of ’em.

Grown-up.

Err… where was I?

Oh, yes. The fridge situation. Long story longer, I’ve been pondering getting a second fridge. A kimchi fridge. For the garage. Like old people do. Think about it. You know it’s true.

And since Batman is a loving and providing god, I came home from the grocery store today to discover that my neighbors’s (who are moving?) fridge was on the sidewalk in front of their house. So, I decide to do the decent thing and steal it. I knew it worked because of the ice melting out of the freezer.

After not seeing anyone for a few hours, I headed over to Lippincottonia to grab Taco Planet (stealing a fridge is always easier with an accomplice, duh) and a dolly. Of course, when we get back to the house, the neighbor is standing in his front yard. Dammit. After inquiring about the fridge, we discovered that he had already promised it to someone else. Of course he had. I told him if the aforementioned someone bailed on him, to let me know.

I took Taco Planet home and retunred to Holliday Island to watch the painfully terrible and mildly racist first episode of Star Trek: Voyager. I also ate the ever-loving shit out the healthiest chilidogs ever invented. Later, when I went to take the trash out, my neighbor says dude bailed and he’ll sell me the fridge for thirty bucks. I say “Sold!” and head to wrangle Taco Planet, the dolly, and 30 bucks. And we moved that heavy bastard into my garage. It was actually surprisingly clean. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to hose it with bleach and beat it with a smoldering Sage smudge wand before plugging it in, though.

And that is the story of how I got a second fridge and actively rested this weekend.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC