Blame Chelsea.

No, not this Chelsea. This one. But I’ll get to that in a minute.

First, I’d like to start out today’s post by wishing a very Happy Birthday to the Boss and to Carpenter Chris. Be sure to wish them one as well.

So, yesterday, you’d think that I would be a man torn between two clubs. USA and Belgium faced off at 3:00pm yesterday afternoon. I was not divided in the least. I was on team USA all the way. So much so, that when they started extra time and I saw my beloved Romelu Lukaku preparing to take the field, my heart sank. I knew we were about to be boned.

I’ve seen him play for two years now. And every game he comes in at the very end and crushes the souls of the other team. He’s like the Wayne Gretzky of English football. He scores as often as he assists. Which is one of the reasons I think he is so fucking rad. He’s a team player. A really, really good one.

This past season he played for Everton. Last season, he wore the blue and white of West Brom. So, you’d think I’d be giving a great big archer’s salute to Everton. But no. Why? Because this record-setting badass also plays for Everton:

Sup ladies?

That, for you non-soccer/futbol fans, is Tim Howard. He’s the American goal keeper. And he blocked 16 shots on goal during the match with Belgium yesterday. The most in a single match in recorded World Cup history. If only he’d stopped 18.

Alas, we lost 2-1 against Belgium, thus ending our World Cup run.

And it sucks hard.

So, I can’t blame it on Everton. Good thing that Lukaku isn’t actually an Everton player. He technically plays for Chelsea. Who, for some fucking insane and unknown reason, keep loaning him out. Which is probably why they’ve come in 3rd place the past 2 years. Just sayin’. So, yeah, Chelsea is a load of tossers.

And that is my soccer/futbol rant for the day.

In other news, this looks awesome:

I’ve watched it a dozen times already. Naomi Watts playing a Russian stripper. Brilliant.

Okay, I’m off to smash my fists into Gary’s face. Or where his face would be. If he had a face. And wasn’t just a pleather cylinder filled with sand. Or sawdust. Or whatever.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC