Two for the price of one.


July 10, 2009 by sandwichcontrol

Apparently my secret celebrity mistress, Natalie Portman, will be a special guest on the only television show that I watch religiously. Well, other than Wipeout. That’s right, she going to be on Top Chef. Do not get me wrong, Padma Lakshmi is definitely in my top five secret celebrity mistresses, but now she will be next to my number one secret celebrity mistress. Apparently Natalie, that’s right, we’re on a first name basis, is a foodie and a big fan of the show. If you are keeping up on your Top Chef: Masters, then you know that the entire writing team for Lost are also big fans. Speaking of Lost, (did you see that? that was a pretty nice segue if I do say so myself) Pancake Land has watched the first four seasons on her computer in the last week. I took the cable away and she watches it on her computer. She’s crafty and she’s just my type. At least she has to work for it a little bit now. She can’t just randomly flip stations until she finds her something to ignore and me something to stare at like a hypnotized ape. I was raised by television. Note the use of the word television and not TV. Use see, quoting Mr. Show here, TV is a nickname, and nicknames are for friends, and television is no friend of mine. My friends know that if I walk into a room with a television that is turned on, I am on it like white on rice and paper plate and a glass of milk in a snow storm. I will watch anything. ESPN, the Weather Channel, Telemundo, soap operas, Everybody Loves Raymond, anything. If it is on television, and that television is on in the same room as me, I’ll watch it. It’s a sickness, really. That is why I got to unhook the cable from the television. Pancake Land realizes that it is summer and that we (and by we, I mean me) should be out doing stuff (and leaving her alone, so that she can get some work done) and that if the television is on then that will not happen. I ask a lot of questions about television. Especially reality television. I view it as some sort of sociological glimpse into the sickness at the heart of the world. My taking something seriously and asking serious questions about something that most people view as mindless entertainment, drives P.L. nuts. So, I am exiled to the outdoors for the summer. Well, Le Duke is staring at me and asking for my help with computer stuff. So, this session of my ridiculous life has ended. More soon. ~SC


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