Dr. T Pities The Fool.


July 29, 2010 by sandwichcontrol

Local time 4:48am.

Time until departure: 1 hour 42 minutes.

Why am I up? Oh, that’s right, I have to be a functioning human being in order to drive to Colorado for Pancake Land’s birthday. Our tentative plan has now changed to a different tentative plan. The current plan is to drive up there and they will possibly go white water rafting or they may not. You had to pay for your reservation in advance and there were no refunds. Plus, the weather there is supposed to be thunderstorms and 20-25°C. Not ideal being in the water weather. Of course, there is no weather condition that makes it okay for me to be in the water, but that’s beside the point. Whether or not we are going to the Grand Canyon is up in the air. I will have “Roving Sandwich Control Module: Guardian” (my lappy) with me so there should be updates whenever I can find the innernet.

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that I am the only one up right now? I mean of the three of us. Probably just paranoia.

So, my hand has been bothering me for almost a week now. It has hurt on and off for a while now, but I didn’t think anything of it. So, with the pending adventure and all, I thought I should probably have it looked at. So, I did what any rational person would do. I went to my local pro wrestler/Chinese hoodoo specialist, let’s call her Dr. T. She is a friend of mine and the royal family. She also happens to have a deep love of pottery and is willing to trade her “services” for our wares. Works out pretty good for both of us. Anyway, I went to see Dr. T yesterday. Le Duke had given me a little bit of the heads up when I questioned him about his experiences with her.

SC- “So, is like a massage, or something?”

LeD- “No. It is more like getting the crap beat out of you.”

SC- “How so?”

LeD- “Well, Dr. T is not afraid to climb up on the table and drop and elbow or two into your tender flesh to get your body re-aligned. Don’t worry. You’ll feel great afterward.”

SC- “Uh-huh.”

I had my doubts. Turns out Dr. T did beat the crap out of me. She was dropping elbows and grinding fists into parts of my body that I don’t even want to touch because they are so sensitive. Okay, just to ensure that your minds are coming back out of the gutter, I want you to make a fist. Now take that fist and place it just above your left hip bone. Now grind that fist into your body as hard as you can, just until you see the blinding white pain. Yeah. It hurts. Anyway, she had me bending and crunching and snapping bones back into place. She had muscles relaxing so that she could Scorpion Lock limbs back into alignment. After all of the general body readjusting she moved on to my hand. The busted one. Turns out that I have royally pissed my tendons off. Between the constant typing and mouse using and the busting rocks manual labor that I do, the tendons in my hand and arm are all swolle up. Dr. T assured me that she had just the thing for it. Have I mentioned that Dr. T is one of the leading acupuncturists in the state? Well, she is. And I soon had about seven little needles sticking out of my hand. I didn’t really take a good needle count because I was focusing most of my attention of the little box with the plug and the alligator clips. The one that Dr. T’s assistant would soon plug into the wall and then into my needles. So, I laid on a bed that massaged my spinal column while I had electrons pumped into my arm for about twenty minutes. It was awesome. For about an hour afterward I kept shocking things. Overall, despite how strange and terrifying it was, I felt awesome after it was over. My hand still hurts a little and I still have poor posture, but I didn’t expect an hour of hoodoo to fix a life’s worth of abuse. That’s why I have another appointment after we get back from this adventure.

Well, I should probably start rallying the troops. Wish us luck. More soon. ~SC


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