Going Cold Turkey.

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September 12, 2021 by sandwichcontrol

On the roast beef.

The word of the day is: Rubric.

Rubric
[ roo-brik ]
noun
a title, heading, direction, or the like, in a manuscript, book, statute, etc., written or printed in red or otherwise distinguished from the rest of the text.
a direction for the conduct of divine service or the administration of the sacraments, inserted in liturgical books.
any established mode of conduct or procedure; protocol.
an explanatory comment; gloss.
adjective
written, inscribed in, or marked with or as with red; rubrical.
Archaic. red; ruddy.

Yesterday flew by.

Way too fast for my taste.

We started the day off in the hot sun watching some little kid futbol.

That sapped all the energy out of me.

So I took a mediocre nap for about an hour.

Then I bought some milk.

We wouldn’t have been out of milk if someone had written it on the coddamn dry erase board on the side of the refrigerator for that exact purpose.

How difficult is it to notice that you have emptied a food container and then write a note saying we are in need of more of whatever?

All of these things happen in a six foot diameter.

I’m going to have to bring back push-up punishments, aren’t I?

I’m also going to purchase everyone a personal set of dishes.

They will be the only dishes people are allowed to use.

Color coded.

And if somehow magically another dish gets left in the sink and no one claims it as theirs, I WILL KNOW.

And they will be shamed.

There really is a fine line between teaching your kids not to be entitled, sloppy assholes and being downright Machiavellian.

Like at what point do you stop waterboarding them when they flat out lie to your face about using a pot to cook ramen in when they are the only person in the house who made ramen?

I can do math, motherfucker.

And the variables in this equation are not fucking unknown.

They are fucking known.

Just because you say that 2 + 2 is not four, doesn’t make it not four.

It makes you a person being waterboarded with dirty dish water.

The really funny part of all of this is that the ramen pot was actually Jitterbug’s and the kids had microwaved their ramen.

Because they are too lazy to use dishes to make food.

Open paper cup.

Dump water in.

Microwave.

Enjoy!

They even throw the cup away after they’re done.

Or else everyone has to do 10 push-ups.

sigh.

This is why I’m not in charge.

I’m going back to my chair to read comics.

See ya’ tomorrow.

More soon. ~SC


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